celebrate love.

 

it's february, which means one thing: valentine's day. for me, it means girl scout cookies, which are 10x better because flowers wilt and die & sometimes you bite into a chocolate that has nasty filling. i know what i'm getting with thin mints: bliss.

i used to loathe the day of love. i walked around with a scowl and rolled my eyes at anything that resembled love or hearts or cupid. my mama used to warn me when we'd go into walmart, "amber, their valentine's items are out now. behave yourself."
no joke, i was a hater. 

i changed my tune last year when i decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. i focused my energy on hating v-day so much that i was missing the blessings of the love i currently have in my life: my Savior, my parents, my brother, my friends...the list goes on.

being single in today's society has become a 'thing'. i feel like so many girls have this assumption that their life begins when they get married; that the ultimate goal is to have a husband and children and a house with a white picket fence. it's great to have dreams and desires, but when they take the place of Jesus, it becomes an idol. a boyfriend won't cure your loneliness and a husband won't take all your problems away. only Jesus can do that. His love will sustain you and satisfy you.

i want to share a secret i've only shared with God and my mama: i have deep-rooted trust issues. i literally cannot fathom that a man can be faithful to me forever. heartbreak after heartache of cheating boyfriends took a toll on my heart. this is something that i have given to God and am trusting He will change. i'm not opposed to advice, friends.  
there is one piece of advice that i am opposed to though. my biggest annoyance is when a married lady says to me: "honey. just keep waiting. i know how you feel." . . . you know how i feel?! you got married at 19... i'm 26. how the heck do you know how it feels to go through an extra seven years of your life as a single woman? oh wait, that's right... YOU DON'T. so please don't come at me with that mess. (as you can tell, it really bothers me).

marriage is such a blessing and not something i take lightly. i have shifted my thinking from waiting on a husband to the notion that if i can better serve God with a boyfriend right now, i'd have one. if He wanted me to be married, i'd have a ring on my finger. in the meantime, i want to live my life; i don't want to waste my energy on things i have no control over.

i choose to celebrate love, in whatever form it comes.

bind my wandering heart to Thee.

i'm gonna be real with y'all right now.

sometimes it's hard to love others.
sometimes it's hard to be patient.
sometimes i wonder why God has me on this path.
sometimes i wonder if there is actually a man out there for me.

but that's the beauty of my Savior.

He helps me love others.
He stills my impatient heart.
He reminds me that His ways are higher, better, and for my good.
He is my husband. and if He wanted me to be married right now, i would.


oh, how You love a sinner like me.
Lord, bind my wandering heart to Thee.