life lately.

i was going to type, "life has been so busy lately", but that's not necessarily accurate. truth is, i work all day and by the time i get home, all i want to do is sleep. these days, i'm usually falling asleep by 9:30. only 44 more days of tax season and then i'm freeeee!

on another note, i have mixed up my routine a bit. instead of having my quiet time with Jesus after i get home from work, i wake up at 6:30 and spend my morning with Him. coming from a girl who used to sleep until noon on the weekends, i was a little skeptical that i could do this. what i'm about to say next would give my early twenty-something self a panic attack: i love mornings. in the past year, i have slowly transitioned into a morning person, and now that i do my bible study in the am, it's even better! starting my day with Jesus has changed how i go about the rest of my day.

i have this yearning to go thrifting. i see so many ladies posting their great finds, and i want to find little treasures, too! i'm hoping that i can plan a little thrifting adventure soon.

spring is coming! you know how you get that excited, giddy feeling when you are going somewhere fun, like going on vacation or to disney world? that's the feeling i get when spring is arriving. the warmer temps, pastel colors, and my favorite: flowers. the beauty of nature comes alive after a cold winter. the birds sing a little louder, winter coats are replaced with florals & pastels, and we celebrate our risen Savior! spring is definitely my favorite season.

i tried to fly a kite yesterday. if you are having a bad day, have me attempt to fly a kite. it's highly amusing.

i should probably get to work now. i have a long to-do list that needs some checkin'. hillsong united just released their new album, and it's so good. here are my favorite lyrics:

"You shine like a million suns ablaze.
wrapped in eternal light and praise.
Jesus the First, the Last, the Bright, the Morning Star."

a million suns, zion // hillsong united

cottonmouth.

i had a root canal last thursday. instead of worrying or being scared, i decided to trust that God had everything under control. worrying accomplishes nothing and reveals distrust in the Lord. 

i learned a valuable life lesson that day: don't worry. pray. thank God. & take funny pictures of yourself at the dentist.

[philippians 4:6]

ps: no laughing gas was administered; this is just my normal, goofy self.

refining and improving.

i was listening to k-love on the way home from work a couple days ago. they were talking about the manicure that kelly osbourne got for the emmy's. a manicure normally wouldn't be deemed as newsworthy, but it was how much the polish on her nails was worth: $250,000.

a quarter of a million dollars on ten fingernails.

one of the dj's had the same initial reaction i had: there are children who will go hungry tonight, families who need medical care, and people living in cardboard boxes on the street. that money could go a long way.

but what she said next is what really opened my eyes:
we could list all the ways that money could be better spent.
but instead of berating her, why not look at our own lives and find ways to improve ourselves?

it was like God was speaking right at me.

instead of focusing on the faults, choices, and shortcomings of others, why not channel that criticism toward our own lives?
in this case, look at our spending habits. in other cases, our words, actions, etc.
i'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes:

let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.
[h. jackson brown, jr.]

it's easy to criticize others and voice our outrage against their faults, but are we guilty of that same thing, even if it's on a smaller scale? there's no such thing as big sin and small sin. sin is sin.

i started using a program to break down my spending month by month. i was stunned and slightly embarrassed by how much i have spent this year on things that have absolutely no worth. nail polish, clothes, coffee. do i really need those things? i can't take them with me when i go. just because you have the money for it doesn't mean you need to go blow it on useless items that distract your focus from the Lord.

maybe for some, it's their spending. others, it could be the words they say or their actions.
my point is: before we go into a rant about so-and-so, why not take a moment to reflect on our own self?
what can we improve?

the way God uses simple everyday tasks to teach me and mold me into who He wants me to be humbles me.

i will praise You in this storm.

i could list all the things that have been going wrong lately.
i could get discouraged and angry and cry.

but i won't.

instead, i choose joy.
i choose hope.
i choose Jesus.

"rejoice in our confident hope. be patient in trouble, and keep on praying."

[romans 12:12]

i serve a God who is bigger than any problem or trial i face.

mark.

“some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same.” 

-franz peter schubert.

my friend, mark nation, went to be with Jesus yesterday.

he was born with spina bifida, with a life expectancy of five years.
mark celebrated his 21st birthday earlier this year.
he was a miracle and a gift to all who knew him. his joy was contagious.

to mark, he was like everyone else. the wheelchair was just an accessory.

after five minutes around mark, you were laughing and cracking up.
he liked to play pranks and sing to Jesus.
he loved m&m's and his grandpa.

mark made a big impact in my life, as well as every other person he encountered.
i have no doubt that he was sent here for a purpose.
VBS will never be the same, but i am so thankful for the time i was given with him.

i imagine he hugged Jesus and ran to join the choir of angels.
music was his favorite.

i found this valentine from him this morning. it brought tears to my eyes. but i know he is not hurting now.

and losing them wouldn't be so hard to take if heaven weren't so far away.

i wrote about mark here last summer.

ponderings of the heart.

saturday, august 4, 2012

this picture was taken at the fence line of our property.
this wasn't the fire that threatened our home, but this fire destroyed a lot of one community.
daddy found out yesterday that one of his cousin's lost his home and antique cars as a result of the fire above. daddy, like a lot of us, feels heartbroken for those, like his cousin, who lost everything. something that feels like guilt keeps creeping into my mind because we were spared; we still have a place to call home. whatever it is, it hurts deep down.

the only thing people around here have been talking about for the last 4 days are the wildfires.
but the wonderful thing i've noticed is that it's not the cliche "small town gossip".
it's story after story of God's protection or praising Him for keeping their family safe, even if they lost their home.
communities are coming together to lend help, hugs, prayers, time, and whatever else is needed for those who have lost everything.

days later, i still find myself re-living saturday night.
i came across this picture on my iphone and remembered a moment at my grandma's house.

"fear reveals what you value the most. fear reveals where you trust God the least."

as i was praying and begging God to spare our home, i remembered this quote i wrote down several hours prior to the evacuation.

i was praying for our home, shop, property, belongings. i feared that everything was turned to ashes. but why?

i wasn't fully trusting God, plain and simple. after that realization, i asked for forgiveness and boldly declared that no matter what happens, i will trust the Lord with all my heart. i will praise Him in this storm. i will not fear tomorrow because i know He's holding me and my family.

fear will cripple you if you let it.
it will break you down and steal your joy.
being held captive by our fears is not what God intended for us.

but in our moments of weakness, He is there.

through the tears, He knows our pain.

in our cries, He hears our plea.

the Lord is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. 

He is close to those who trust in him.

nahum 1:7

over the weekend.

i don't even know how to start this post.
bear with me as i try to put this weekend into words.

for the past couple of weeks in oklahoma, there have been wildfires burning all over the state.
on saturday night, my family and i were evacuated from the place i've called home for 25 years.

when the sheriff knocked on our door, we scrambled as fast as we could to gather our important belongings and leave.
i don't remember a whole lot of those moments. i remember looking at my family and their faces reflected mine: sad, worried, and helpless.

we grabbed what we could and went to my grandma's house. the road we live on was backed up with other residents also driving away from their homes, not sure what they'll return to, if they'll return to anything at all.

we waited at my grandma's house for what seemed like forever. i made the stupid mistake of looking at facebook to see if anyone i knew had been evacuated. that's when comments/statuses reading "the elks lodge is gone" and "terrible flames at tim's tires" started showing up on other peoples' pages. my heart broke. i told my parents what i was reading and they bolted out the door to walmart.

i will never forget those moments alone in my grandma's house. i prayed the most heartbreaking prayers. i begged and pleaded with God. i told Him that whatever happens, i trust Him, though i may not understand. 

after waiting for almost 20 minutes, i finally called my parents to see what was going on.

our house was fine. the shop was fine. the elks lodge was fine. i didn't have time to be angry at the rumors; i was just relieved that the fire hadn't got our home and property yet.

an hour later, my family and i made another trip to walmart to see how much the fire had progressed. from what we could tell, it was far enough to the south that they were letting those who lived on our road go back home. pulling into the driveway and seeing our home and shop untouched by the flames -- that can't be put into words.

we finally went to sleep at 3:30 am. waking up the next morning in my own bed was an answered prayer. having coffee with my mama in the living room, talking about the night before, was an answered prayer. eating lunch together with my family in our kitchen was an answered prayer.

other people weren't so fortunate. some lost absolutely everything. it was bittersweet: here i am, rejoicing that i have a home, while five miles down the road, others are staring at ashes that were once their home. it broke my heart.

i learned some valuable lessons this weekend. my perspective is changed. i am changed. when your faith is tested, it grows stronger. i realized that the blessing of still having our home means that i have clothes to give to those who only have the clothes on their backs right now. my bedroom that i deemed "way too small" just the day before wasn't so small after all.

please pray for the fire victims. hug your family. count your blessings. take nothing for granted.

 around 6:00 pm, saturday. it wasn't headed our way because the wind was blowing it away from us.

 saturday, 6:00 pm. another fire close by. in all, i counted 5 fires.

the things i grabbed. while sitting at my grandma's house, i remembered things i forgot. tears came when mama realized she forgot to grab her wedding album. daddy didn't grab any shirts. bubba forgot to grab underwear. that one kinda made us chuckle. // the things i donated. it is almost freeing to clean out a closet, knowing that it can put a smile on someone's face who just suffered such a huge loss. 

God has His hand in everything. this was the weekend we were going on vacation, but my family decided not to go. had we been gone, we would have not known a thing or got boomer out of the house.

God is good, all the time.


5 tidbits of wisdom i learned this weekend:
- always have a plan and a list of items to grab.
- never, ever, ever trust facebook.
- God is always there, even in the midst of the storm.
- possessions can be replaced, lives cannot.
- count your blessings, no matter how small they seem.

4 things i learned about myself over the weekend:
- it was easy to give away a lot of clothes.  
- when rumors swirl about things like i mentioned before, i go into defense mode. don't mess with my family.
- sometimes it's better if i say nothing.
- even in that tough situation, i found the good.

3 things i'm looking forward to this week:
- starting another book.
- making a point to be more present and aware of ALL the blessings i have.
- the possibility (though slight) of rain. Lord, please send the rain!

2 blog posts i'm currently lovin':
- this post by trevin wax.
- this post by perry noble.

1 thing i read:
"but we're gonna make it. by the grace of God, we're gonna make it. because i've got my family and i've got God, that's the way i feel about it." catherine belt, on losing her home to the fires.

because of the brave.

mama and i had a garage sale over the weekend. 

we made a little extra cash, but two experiences that day will never leave our memories. 

saturday morning, a lady was paying for the items she wanted and seemed a little frazzled as she fumbled around in her purse. she apologized and told us her son's camp had been attacked the previous day in afghanistan. she got word he was okay, but she was still visibly shaken. our hearts broke for her. after she left, mom and i couldn't stop thinking about her and about the families who don't get the same reassuring phone call she received. 

about an hour later, two ladies, a mother and daughter, walked up to us to pay for the items they wanted. the mother made a comment that she liked the cell phones we had for sale. she couldn't afford more than two and proceeded to make us cry with her next statement: 

she was buying cell phones to send to the troops overseas. tears.

i didn't even have to think about my next action: i walked over to the remaining cell phones, put them all in a box, and gave them to her free of charge. the way i see it: those men and women are fighting EVERY SINGLE DAY for our freedom. they are away from their wives, husbands, children, friends, and countless other loved ones. they sacrifice their time, and some pay with their lives. all so we can live in this great nation called america. 

we are the land of the free because of the brave. 

i encourage you to always be praying for our troops. 

don't forget their families. they need our prayers and support just as much.

become a fan of beauty in humble places on facebook!

a broken and repentant heart.

to say this weekend was tough would be the understatement of the year.
i got the news friday evening that a friend who i was extremely close to had been killed in a car accident.
her husband was killed as well, but their daughter survived.
the news was like a dagger in my heart. weeping and sobbing followed. and then there it was: guilt.

two years ago, i abruptly ended that friendship.
i gave her no reason, no explanation.
things had been said that hurt me to the core. i cut off all contact.

now jennifer will never know that i forgave her long ago.
she will never know that i still thought about her often.
she will never know that the hurt and pain i had is gone.
she will never know those things. i told mama recently that i wanted to reconcile with her.
i waited too late because now she is gone.

after two days of tears, guilt, and brokenness, i couldn't bear the burden anymore.
i opened my bible and there was leviticus 5:5:
"when you become aware of your guilt in any of these ways, you must confess your sin."
so that's exactly what i did.

it's going to take some time to heal. some days will be harder than others.
but the Lord has been working in my heart this year,
and i have no doubt He will use this for His glory in some way.

i came across psalm 51 this am. when king david realized his sin - broken and guilt-ridden - he called on nathan the prophet and poured out his soul. psalm 51 is my prayer for the coming days.
(and please keep the matt and jennifer's daughter and families in your prayers.)

¹ Have mercy on me, O God,
    because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
    blot out the stain of my sins.
² Wash me clean from my guilt.
    Purify me from my sin.
³ For I recognize my rebellion;
    it haunts me day and night.
⁴ Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
    I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
    and your judgment against me is just.
⁵ For I was born a sinner—
    yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
⁶ But you desire honesty from the womb,
    teaching me wisdom even there.

⁷ Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean;
    wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Oh, give me back my joy again;
    you have broken me—
    now let me rejoice.
⁹ Don’t keep looking at my sins.
    Remove the stain of my guilt.
¹⁰ Create in me a clean heart, O God.
    Renew a loyal spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not banish me from your presence,
    and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.

¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
    and make me willing to obey you.
¹³ Then I will teach your ways to rebels,
    and they will return to you.
¹⁴ Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves;
    then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.
¹⁵ Unseal my lips, O Lord,
    that my mouth may praise you.

¹⁶ You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
    You do not want a burnt offering.
¹⁷ The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
    You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
¹⁸ Look with favor on Zion and help her;
    rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
¹⁹ Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit—
    with burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings.
    Then bulls will again be sacrificed on your altar.

 i started blogging HERE now! make sure to follow along!

profound wisdom from the lady at subway.

as the lady handed me my sandwich at subway, she stated, "make it a great day!" not HAVE a great day, but MAKE it a great day. we have circumstances that happen throughout the day that can steal our joy if we let it. but if we choose to MAKE it a great day in spite of what the enemy throws at us, then we are living out 1 thessalonians 5:16, "always be joyful."

who knew that ordering a sammich would provide a little nugget of wisdom?