a letter to myself, age 17.

future plans: go to UCO with stacey, amanda, and cindy, 

meet any mature man who will have me, 

and eventually have little "mini-me's" running around.

oh, amber. how those plans will give you a good laugh years later.

at 17 years of age, you are naive, selfish, eager to grow up, pushing boundaries, smart, insecure, and chasing temporary happiness. you think you know it all. you want to be popular and have everyone like you.

at this point, you are probably rolling your eyes.

life is pretty peachy for you, except for the occasional heartbreak, fight with your mama, or mean high school girls.

the thing is...

be yourself. you are smart and fun to be with. don't change yourself to make others like you.

you are looking for love in all the wrong places. the boy who lives next door won't be your epic romance. the boy you meet the day after prom is all kinds of wrong. you want to meet a "mature man", but you are dating boys. get it together, sista. you know you deserve better.

those two girls who are terrorizing you -- it's merely jealousy, insecurity, and immaturity all rolled into one. you'll realize this when you see one of them years later, and she still feels the need to snicker to her new best friend when you walk by. some girls graduate from high school, but never really leave.

those big plans you had of moving to edmond, living with the girls, and going to college? well, you'll move to edmond two weeks after you graduate. you'll start your first job at mcalister's deli. you'll meet a nice boy who will love you, but the feeling won't be mutual. you will vow never to cut your hair after the beautician (more like butcher) at walmart gives you the worst haircut of your life. you will cry when your mama leaves after spending the day shopping with her. and then those big plans you had will come crashing down in a matter of days. two weeks before you are supposed to start college, you will get fired and kicked out of the apartment. you will think it's the worst thing in the world.

but life will go on. all the plans you had for yourself will not happen the way you expected. though it won't seem possible with the hurt in your heart, you will be thankful for that someday.

your daddy, mama, and brother will welcome you back home with open arms. over time, you will discover that they are the ones who will be there no matter what. they will love you when you mess up, which in the coming years will be a lot. your relationships will grow deeper and help you become the person you want to be.

you have been questioning your salvation for awhile now. the best thing to happen to you will not be receiving a college degree, getting married, and having kids. it will be finding Jesus. He loves you more than you will ever know.

He is your happily ever after.


ps: the best is yet to come.

tidbits of life.

- starbucks' salted caramel hot cocoa.

- my cute mama. as of today, she has lost 38 pounds!

- leaf + pond = love.

- favorite time of day: Jesus, the Word, and coffee.

- beautiful sunrise.

- iced coffee.

- prettiness at g-ma's house.

- one of my favorite ornaments!

over the weekend.

5 activities:
- went to g-ma's house for thanksgiving.
- watched two of my favorite Christmas movies: home alone and this Christmas.
- decided against black friday shopping. after seeing this, i am so glad!
- almost had a stroke because of this.
- started working on our church's Christmas play. the costumes are from when i did the children's play way too many years ago. the kids' reactions were hilarious.

4 lessons:
- make sure all of the Christmas lights work before you put them up.
- there is much to learn while the Lord asks me to be patient.
- handmade nail polish on etsy is way too tempting. i like them all!
- i had two pies on thanksgiving: chocolate and humble. one was so yummy; the other hurt my pride. (thank you, Lord)

3 things i'm thankful for:
- people who stay home when they're sick.
- my four alarm clocks that successfully woke me up this morning.
- the person reading this right now. (yep... that's you!)

2 things i'm currently diggin':
- Christmas, everywhere!
- cyber monday deals.

1 thing i read:

"faith that doesn't affect your life isn't really faith."

-trip lee, the good life.

healing.

fun high school memories

happy birthday, jennifer.

it's so hard to type those words. i feel like i don't deserve to say them.
after all, i am the one who ended the friendship.
i am the one who gave you no reason.
i am the one who shut you out of my life.

but for months, i wanted to contact you to tell you one thing: i'm not mad anymore. i'm not angry. my wounds are healed. i was holding on to that hurt for way too long.

that's the thing about bitterness: it eats you alive, invading your heart like poison. i ashamedly admit, for a time far too long, that poison festered. it seeped into my thoughts and into my heart. i was pleased with myself for ending the friendship. it took months, but God showed the motives of my heart. i repented. i just needed to tell you three simple but necessary words: i am sorry.

but then... you...  died. 

the words i wanted to say will never be spoken. the apology will not be heard.
not a day goes by that i don't think about you. i'm grateful for the memories.

the Lord is healing my heart. it's a constant battle between pain, anger, and questions.
the words of psalm 51 have helped me on the hard days.


*to whoever reads this: the pain of losing someone without asking for forgiveness is a burden far too heavy to carry. after eight months, i still must daily give it to God. they say time will heal all wounds, but "they" are wrong. God heals all wounds. i don't want someone to go through this same struggle. i am pleading with you right now: if there is unresolved conflict or forgiveness with someone who is/was in your life, please do not wait. pick up the phone, write a letter, send an e-mail, go to their house, message them on facebook, tweet them... do something. anything. don't let the hurt turn into bitterness. please, please, please, just do it. even if they want nothing to do with you, say the words. pour out your heart, and make it right.

to grandma's house we go!

- cooking with grandma.

- the two traditional thanksgiving details: mini fork and grandma's mac and cheese.

- chocolate pie. mmmmmmmmmmmm.

- pretty leaves everywhere.


after spending last thanksgiving in the hospital and eating at braums for dinner, being at grandma's house this year had so much more meaning. it meant that she is here with us after surviving a massive heart attack and quintuple bypass surgery. walking into her house and seeing her standing at the oven was a beautiful sight. we had a great thanksgiving, complete with all the food, family, and football. my grandma also has a treadmill, which was in use most of the day. i am so blessed, and it's all because of my Heavenly Father. He blesses me even when i don't deserve it. i will be eternally grateful for His love for me.

from hater to celebrator.

you know those people who are adamant about waiting to decorate, celebrate, and sing Christmas songs until after thanksgiving? they roll their eyes at any sight of tinsel, light, or tree. any sign of holly jolly-ness before turkey day warrants a look so lethal that the grinch would be scared?

well... i was one of them. yes, i was a Christmas-before-thanksgiving hater.

but something has changed this year. i have found myself singing Christmas songs, wearing cute penguin earrings with santa hats, and decorating -- all BEFORE thanksgiving.

what is wrong with me? why the sudden change from hater to celebrator?
maybe i am changing. maybe i just want to. maybe because there isn't a law that says "pre-Christmas celebrations are prohibited. all violators will be prosecuted."

for whatever reason, i will embrace it.
bring on the turkey, chocolate pie and mashed 'taters with nativities, Christmas lights, and carols.

like the morning fog.

 
"how do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? 

your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone."

[james 4:14] 

a dense fog covered the earth like a blanket of snow this morning. a fog so thick, my mama would say you could cut it with a knife. visibility was limited; i had to slow down just to see the stoplights.

as i made my way to work, the fog reminded me of an ever-present state in my life: worry. i couldn't see the path i was taking because of the fog, yet i knew in a matter of just one hour, i would be able to see clearly again. worry is like the fog; it clouds our mind, judgement, and faith, when we know good and well that God is in the midst of the struggle, right beside us.   

why do i worry? worry is nothing more than putting my trust and faith in that which i am concerned about instead of trusting that God will work everything out for my good. when i look back at my life and remember all the things i've worried myself sick over, i see that God worked it out. maybe not my way, but His way, which is infinitely better for me than anything this world has to offer.

life is so short... but a breath. like the morning fog.
yet i choose to spend some days worried about the little things. i choose to believe the same ol' lies that the enemy throws my way. i choose to trust in my fleeting circumstances instead of the constant Almighty.

but i'm tired of the fog.

so today... i choose to surrender. i lay my worries and concerns at the foot of the cross, trusting that God will provide, protect, and prevail.

turkey cupcakes.

i cannot fathom that thanksgiving is this week! time is flyin'.
i wanted to share these adorable cupcakes i made a couple years ago.
this is a fun way to let the kids participate in the thanksgiving food prep.

directions:
bake and frost the cupcakes as directed.
use candy corn for the beak, feathers, and feet.
for the head, i used candy corn pumpkins, but anything round will do.
for the eyes, i used those little icing tubes.

over the weekend.

5 activities:
- mama and i had the funnest little shopping trip.
- i found my childhood books. oh, the memories.
- the winter oreos are out now! my tummy was so happy.
- mama and i ate at chick-fil-a. it was her first time, and she loved it.
- i made a pinterest craft for the second week in a row. i know, it's craziness, man.

4 lessons:
- they make those size stickers tiny and clear so people like me will walk around with them on all day.
- God's plan for my life is so much better than anything i could dream in my mind because He is Lord of my life.
- sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is pray for them.
- walmart has the cutest jeans. this is major news to me. i paid $20 and $7 for jeans. it blows my mind.

3 things i'm thankful for:
- having great childhood memories. a great childhood in general. i feel so incredibly blessed.
- friendly cashiers. i love the conversations. they always brighten my day.
- weekend mornings. coffee, Jesus in the am, and jammies = a happy heart.

2 things i'm currently diggin':
- Christmas decorations. i have always been the person who rolls her eyes at people who decorate before thanksgiving, but this year, i can't help but smile. i'm so excited to decorate this weekend!
- i discovered the awesomeness that is tj maxx. i bought a pair of snow boots that i have been wanting for weeks. i realize oklahoma rarely gets snow, but when they are half of the original price, you don't let that deal pass you by. 

1 thing i read:
"God's plan for your life far exceeds the circumstances of your day." source.

bugle cornucopias.

i was browsing pinterest the other day when i came across these adorable bugle cornucopia treat bags from cookies and cups. she even gave a free printable! i immediately knew i wanted to make them for my sunday school class.

are they not the cutest thing?! this was an easy, fun, and inexpensive project.

 i started blogging HERE now! make sure to follow along!

tidbits of life.

rainy day = wellies.

i made my tomato soup again. so good.

pretty nature.

my pinterest project inspired from this pin.

new sweater and a caramel mocha.

oklahoma sunset.

a leaf i found in the pasture. thought it was cool, so i hung it on my wall.

gorgeous scenery on the drive to stillwater.

happy birthday, grandma gracie.

today is the birthday of the woman who passed on her love of photography to me.
the woman who loved Jesus with every fiber of her being and made it known to everyone she met.
the woman who is my hero: my grandma gracie.

this picture encompasses my grandma to a T. first of all, that pink nail polish. there was always nail polish on the table. then there are all of the magnets on her fridge. she would let us kids play with them and tell us the stories behind where they came from. next are the animals/dolls on top of the fridge and on the wall. she made all of those. she was always crocheting some quirky animal. and finally, her sitting there holding a pillow she made. classic grandma gracie. notice the purple flowers. (now you know who i get it from)

today would have been her 82nd birthday.
she has been celebrating her birthdays in heaven for quite some time now.

wasn't my grandma a betty? (if you can name that movie, give yourself ten cool points)

everything reminds me of her:
the color purple -- it was her favorite, as is mine.
crocheting -- she was always making something.
hot rolls and dunkaroos -- she made awesome rolls and always had dunkaroos for me and dustin.
church -- everytime i walk by her sunday school class, i smile.
my daddy -- he has her kindness and knowledge of the bible.
and angels -- because she is one.

i miss her so much. memories flood my mind every time i walk on the soil where her house stood. the smell of her house. her sewing machine with fabric and thread, always making something for someone. her dog, shorty. riding our bikes on her sidewalk. i was so young. i had no idea that years later, i would give anything to just talk to her. to get her advice--her words of wisdom.

she made a difference in everyone's lives. just ask the people who knew her. they have story after story of something funny she did or said. her favorite comeback line when someone did something wrong was,
"but their mama loves them."

 this is written on the wall of her old sunday school classroom. 

i am so thankful for the impact she had on my life, her faith, and her love for Jesus.

tomato soup.

the weather dropped forty-five degrees in a 24-hour period over the weekend.
welcome to oklahoma, y'all! 

i wanted soup, but we didn't have any, so i was perplexed.
that's when i got the idea to come up with a recipe all on my own.
this was either going to turn out really awesome or really not-so-awesome.

i found tomato soup and wanted to see what i could create.
(oh, i should mention i've never had tomato soup before.)

VIOLA!

ingredients: 

- tomato soup

- 1/2 cup of milk

- a few pinches of rosemary

- pepper.

top with parmesan goldfish.

it was so so so so good.
in fact, it was so good that i had it for lunch again today.

what ingredients do you put in your tomato soup? i'd love to know!

over the weekend.

5 activities:
- i was feeling adventurous and got the skinny peppermint mocha at starbucks. so good.
- actually completed a project inspired by pinterest.
- went on a little shopping trip with mama.
- i made up a recipe involving tomato soup. and it was uh.mazing. 
- caught a cold. boo.

4 lessons:
- if i am shopping and go look at the same sweater three different time, just buy it.
- not being able to sleep in anymore is a blessing.
- it's okay to get in the Christmas spirit, as long as it's after halloween.
- i realized that it's okay to blog several times a day. it is, after all, my blog.

3 things i'm thankful for:
- ice scrapers.
- cozy slippers.
- the weekend.

2 things i'm currently diggin':
- tomato soup. where have you been all my life? (ps: if you have a great recipe, share it!)
- the release of the final book in the matched series, reached. one of my favorite book series!

1 quote from something i read:

"singles: God will bless you with a spouse. He just wants you to be whole first. #twohalvesdontmakeawhole."

the beautiful and inspiring @EmonneMarkland 

ponderings of the heart.

all day long, i have read status after status, tweet after tweet regarding veteran's day.
but as i sit here... i feel like it's just not enough.

our veterans deserve more recognition than a few days out of the year. they should always be honored. they have seen terrible, horrendous sights and experienced conditions always described as "hell". they pay with their time, missing important days like birthdays and actual birth days. can you fathom your husband not being there for the birth of your child? what if your wife were overseas, in a war zone, while you celebrate your child's fifth birthday? you can try to imagine it all you want, but there are families who live it every single day. their loved ones fight for this country, paying with their time, and some... with their lives.

but you won't hear them complain. when you thank a veteran or soldier, they humbly nod, usually saying that it's their job. just like i chose to work for my grandma and just like you chose your current employer, men and women chose the united states of america. and they know the job description when they sign up.

they are brave and selfless. they are heroes.

out of the 365 days on the calendar, let's honor our past, present, and deceased military members 365 days.

when you go throughout your daily life, remember the freedoms you have weren't free. 

if you have served or are serving this great nation, thank you for your selfless act of bravery, for protecting the freedoms we so easily take for granted, and thank you for being totally and completely awesome. i pray for you and your family every day. you are true american heroes!

tidbits of life.

pretty flowers. edited with a great photo app called afterglow.

mama's taco soup. i've had it for lunch and dinner two days in a row. it's that good.

flannel and waves.

chocolate chips in my oatmeal, or as i like to call it: a bowl of bliss.

homemade turkey pizza and a salad.

a cuddly kitty.

caramel iced coffee.

penguin socks and sweats. comfort at its finest.

a heavy but hopeful heart.

disclosure: this is my blog, my opinions. you may think i am close-minded or outdated. calling me every name in the book won't change my mind.  
i stand for what i believe, just like you do.

there has been a weight in my heart this week. a kind of sadness that i couldn't pinpoint until mama confronted me last night. she straight up asked me, "what is wrong with you?" [i love that about her. no sugar-coating] once she asked me that question, it was like the floodgates of my heart opened. 

i'm sad... for this country. for the people of this nation. 

after the election tuesday night, i am not going to lie... i shed a few tears. the remarks and comments i read were disheartening. quite frankly, i felt like some people were flipping the middle finger to God.

my heart just hurts.

biblical morals are shoveled aside like manure. a life is now a choice. and don't get me started on "legal marijuana".

this world needs Jesus. as believers, we must continually fall to our knees in prayer for one another, for our leaders, and for the lost. we should stop pointing the finger at others and take a look at our own lives first. we need to love others despite our differences. if we're not loving people, how do we expect them to believe Jesus does?

but i have hope.
hope that Jesus will continue to change the hearts and lives of others. hope that people will continue to stand for traditional values and the Word of God.

i find comfort in john 16:33b:

...here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. but take heart, because I have overcome the world.


ultimately, my hope is in Jesus. His words, His love, and what He did on the cross. He is my hope. OUR hope.

photographic memories.

i was going through a box of old photographs recently. my grandma gracie always had a camera in her hand and took pictures of everything. sound familiar? we have three large tubs full of pictures she took years and years ago. when i have spare time, i go through them,reminisce, and laugh at the hairstyles and clothes.

daddy's girl.

my grandpa dale, who was in the navy.

my grandparents. i love this picture so, so much.

my mama and the lumberjack...uh, i mean my daddy.

baby brother and i

growing up, i watched tv with my feet on the tv. weird child.

 

pulling daddy's ear.

wearing daddy's shirt, still as bald as ever. sooner born, sooner bred.

 a fashionista from the beginning.

someone once told me that i take too many pictures. i took it as a compliment. my hope is that one day, my children will spread out the pictures i've taken and feel the same joy i get when i hold those pictures in my hands.

over the weekend.

5 activities:
- planted tulips! i'm so excited for spring.
- made extra space for my scarves using hangers and shower curtain hooks.
- went through a box of old pictures. i love when a picture can take you back to that exact moment.
- spent WAY too much time playing gems with friends.
- had a lazy weekend. and it was awesome.

4 lessons:
- i can't sleep in anymore.
- adding chocolate chip to oatmeal is one of my smarter decisions in life.
- i am never too old to watch scooby doo.
- putting grated parmesan cheese in a salad is another smart decision i've made in life.

3 things i'm thankful for:
- corny jokes.
- God's 'no'. it isn't a rejection, it's a redirection.
- coupons. because who doesn't like to save money?

2 things i'm currently diggin':
- these awesome jeggings from kohl's.
- reading everyone's thankful posts for november.

1 quote from something i read:

"in the end, people appreciate honest criticism far more than flattery."

[proverbs 28:23] 

yes, yes, yes. can i get an amen?

tidbits of life.

a dandy sunset.

passion tea lemonade.

i seriously cannot stop playing gems with friends.

green lights.

i planted tulips! they are purple and red, my favorite colors. we will see how good my green thumb is come spring.

the neighbor's horse is my friend. he watches me while i walk and take pictures in the pasture.