a testament to His grace and perfect will.

my hometown's high school graduation was last friday night. 

if you do the math, it has been 8 years since i graduated. 8 years.

i picked up my senior book and took a little trip down memory lane. i came across my "future plans and goals" page. 
the words my seventeen year old self wrote hit me like a ton of bricks:  

"graduate from college with honors. 

get married and have 2.5 kids and a dog. 

live in a house with a wrap around porch on a farm."

here's how those plans worked out:

i didn't go to college. 

i don't have a boyfriend. or a dog. 

i still live at home with my parents. 

the plans i made for my future came crashing down less than three months after i graduated.

but my seventeen year old self didn't know just how wonderful failed plans could be.

in those years where i thought i'd be living with friends and experiencing life, i actually found life. 

his name is Jesus. 

maybe i would've saw my need for salvation while attending college. i would've realized that void and emptiness i felt was Jesus knocking on the door of my heart, asking to be Lord of my life. maybe i would've been able to be 100% sure that when i died, i would spend eternity in heaven. 

but it didn't happen that way. 

why? 

because it was God's plan for my life. He is writing my story. it just took me awhile to see it.

He relentlessly pursued me. after years of running, it happened. on a sunday afternoon (6/24/07), my doubts and worries came to a halt.  i was in my bedroom and called my parents in to tell them that i had no idea where i would spend eternity. 

that evening, i gave my life to Christ. 

in today's society, i am considered a loser. 

no degree, no husband, no kids.  

but society is dead wrong. 

-i have Jesus Christ in my heart and in my life. He is my Husband, my Redeemer, my Future.

-i have my parents and my brother. those 3 mean the world to me. 

-i have a great job that i like. most people cannot say that. (and they went to school and got a degree for it).

i may not have a new last name or any letters behind my name, but my name is written in the Lamb's Book of Life.

a college degree or relationship cannot hold a candle to that. 

at one point, i decided not to write this post. it's too personal. too vulnerable. 

but this story is glorifying to the Lord and a testament to His grace and perfect will.

psalm 116:1-14.

I love the Lord because he hears my voice

and my prayer for mercy.

Because he bends down to listen,

I will pray as long as I have breath!

Death wrapped its ropes around me;

the terrors of the grave overtook me.

I saw only trouble and sorrow.

Then I called on the name of the Lord:

“Please, Lord, save me!”

How kind the Lord is! How good he is!

so merciful, this God of ours!

The Lord protects those of childlike faith;

I was facing death, and he saved me.

Let my soul be at rest again,

for the Lord has been good to me.

He has saved me from death,

my eyes from tears,

my feet from stumbling.

And so I walk in the Lord’s presence

as I live here on earth!

I believed in you, so I said,

“I am deeply troubled, Lord.”

In my anxiety I cried out to you,

“These people are all liars!”

What can I offer the Lord

for all he has done for me?

I will lift up the cup of salvation

and praise the Lord’s name for saving me.

I will keep my promises to the Lord

in the presence of all his people.