a letter to myself, age 17.

future plans: go to UCO with stacey, amanda, and cindy, 

meet any mature man who will have me, 

and eventually have little "mini-me's" running around.

oh, amber. how those plans will give you a good laugh years later.

at 17 years of age, you are naive, selfish, eager to grow up, pushing boundaries, smart, insecure, and chasing temporary happiness. you think you know it all. you want to be popular and have everyone like you.

at this point, you are probably rolling your eyes.

life is pretty peachy for you, except for the occasional heartbreak, fight with your mama, or mean high school girls.

the thing is...

be yourself. you are smart and fun to be with. don't change yourself to make others like you.

you are looking for love in all the wrong places. the boy who lives next door won't be your epic romance. the boy you meet the day after prom is all kinds of wrong. you want to meet a "mature man", but you are dating boys. get it together, sista. you know you deserve better.

those two girls who are terrorizing you -- it's merely jealousy, insecurity, and immaturity all rolled into one. you'll realize this when you see one of them years later, and she still feels the need to snicker to her new best friend when you walk by. some girls graduate from high school, but never really leave.

those big plans you had of moving to edmond, living with the girls, and going to college? well, you'll move to edmond two weeks after you graduate. you'll start your first job at mcalister's deli. you'll meet a nice boy who will love you, but the feeling won't be mutual. you will vow never to cut your hair after the beautician (more like butcher) at walmart gives you the worst haircut of your life. you will cry when your mama leaves after spending the day shopping with her. and then those big plans you had will come crashing down in a matter of days. two weeks before you are supposed to start college, you will get fired and kicked out of the apartment. you will think it's the worst thing in the world.

but life will go on. all the plans you had for yourself will not happen the way you expected. though it won't seem possible with the hurt in your heart, you will be thankful for that someday.

your daddy, mama, and brother will welcome you back home with open arms. over time, you will discover that they are the ones who will be there no matter what. they will love you when you mess up, which in the coming years will be a lot. your relationships will grow deeper and help you become the person you want to be.

you have been questioning your salvation for awhile now. the best thing to happen to you will not be receiving a college degree, getting married, and having kids. it will be finding Jesus. He loves you more than you will ever know.

He is your happily ever after.


ps: the best is yet to come.